If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
