Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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