In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Congratulations! We have a period
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