dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
