You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
