ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
