She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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