My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
