the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
