you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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