And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
