I can text with my tongue
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
COCAINE IS GR8
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
