im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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