i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
