I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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