Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
