He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
