Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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