So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
