oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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