I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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