You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
