She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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