I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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