I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize