She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
