It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
