life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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