I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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