Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
