i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
