id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
