the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
