you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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