saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
