don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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