Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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