i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
