grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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