I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What a dumb baby whore.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
