In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
