so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's the barista slut.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
