remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How external is "for external use only"?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
