so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
