So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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