she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
