Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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