we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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