took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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