Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
