You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
