I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
