piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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