put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
