Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
