If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize