Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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