Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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