Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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