ugly people sure do ruin things
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
