Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
