An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
