I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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