i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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