Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
